Dealing with break ups!!!!!

So thought I would do a blog post with a topic more personal.  I for the past year have dealt with a break up!!!!!  Dealing with a breakup is really such a hard thing and such a process. I mean you really need to put in the effort and time to be completely OK! BUT it is not easy.... anyone that thinks that they can move on over night is not putting in the work that they need to really heal themselves of the pain.  Relationships can be serious, not serious, long, short etc... but there is more than one day or couple hours of time invested in it! That means that there are hurt feelings and those feelings can be buried and put away in the closet but that's when you start to carry baggage and you never truly heal! We all want to make sure we are healed and we are doing the best we can possibly do for ourselves.  We only have one life to live ( yes, that is a soap opera) but we really do! and to waste it on a person that does not love us or respect us is not an option.... OR at least it shouldn't be an option. 

Here are some tips/tricks that I have done to help me move on and keep me happy when I don't even want to get out of bed.  I hope that some of this shines some light on what you're going through or someone you know is going through.  Everyone is different and not all these ideas will help but it will shine some light on the situation and show you that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. THERE IS ALWAYS A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL.

• Gym- you want to keep some kind of routine with working out.  When I found out that my ex had a new gf, I flipped my lid and then I joined the gym. The moment that I stepped into the gym I really felt a great energy and a vibe that made me feel included and motivated.  The gym gives you a new outlook on your life, it gives you a energy that you need when you're going through a breakup.  You start to look better and feel better and little by little and before you know it you have a routine that you can't break.
• New Routine- You are newly single and you are not use to being alone.  Adding the gym in your routine will help you change your train of thought.  Having different things to keep you busy is very important.  Keeping yourself busy is very important, and the more things you got going on in your life the less time you will have to worry and wonder about things in your past.
• Positive Friends- You want to surround yourself with people that are positive and have good morals and values that you can learn from and grow from. You want people with the same interest and the same goals. You don't want people that are going to hold you back/give you bad advice. 
• Being social-  Even though you really don't want to go out and be around people.... the trick is to just do it. You don't want to over do it but you don't want to under do it either.  You need time to grieve your loss and then you need to come back to life.  You cant separate yourself from reality and those that want to be around to help you.  Everyone one needs "their alone time" BUT too much of anything is bad and you want to keep a good balance in life.  Going out little by little will help you make new friends and feel normal again as hard as it will seem at first and such a big effort to leave your room and your pajamas even! but making the effort will help the healing process.
• Cut the connection cord- We all know that relationships have a lot of back and forth! We are all guilty of doing it -BUT its very, very important to make sure you cut connections and ties to your ex in order to move on and start to heal! The worst feeling in the world is becoming strangers and drifting apart (that was for me) but the sooner you let go the sooner you can heal.  You have to be smart and know when enough is enough... Think only of yourself at that point and make sure that you do what is right for you and how you feel! When you have broken up there is no connection holding you to that person and you are no longer responsible and neither are they.

By doing these few simple things I think it will really help you see that everything will be OK at the end of the day.  Dealing with heartache is the hardest thing to understand and fix, it all takes time. They say it usually takes half the time you spent with the person to get over them. Not true in all cases and situations but can happen.  Speaking from experience you want to end things and not drag it on because once the other person moves on and you see it, it will hurt! and you want to have your own thing going on and not be sitting around thinking and wondering about that person and what they are doing. It has been a long, long, road for me and has not been easy but I have learned to deal and be positive.  Whatever I put out in the universe is what I am going to get back in return. Learning that its time to let go of all hope and chances of making it work is a hard idea to swallow.... but once you are there and you are open to new and wonderful things you will look back and be so happy you let go! The accepting the fact that you have to let go is the hard part and then to actually do it is harder. But I now see and understand things so much more clear and am open to what happened and why it took me so me so long to get where I am today.  I was not open to the advice that I listed above... I was sitting in the hurt and not working on getting over it.  But like I said everyone works differently and at their own paces. 

I hope that this helps some of you to understand and work through your struggles.  I have listed some books  that helped me and some that I still read.  Self -help books are great and they really can give you a sense of understanding from a neutral place.  Check them out. 



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